Facebook posts by Alex Branson (2012)

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A series of humorous Facebook posts made around 2012 by a mysterious figure named Alex Branson.

Transcript:

about
an hour ago \u00b7 Like 5

Matt
Bergh sorry im not a troll. But you are with a fake story like that.

about
an hour ago \u00b7 Like

Alex Branson i am not a troll. i have bed sores from the concrete and returned to
my beautiful wife wheezing and crying. YOU are the troll harassing ME for
absolutely no reason. about an hour ago \u00b7 Like 1

Gretchen
Cheesestains O'Neil It seems to me that Alex is just trying to let
the people of Best Buy know that he feels as though he was not treated with
respect. Just because he is a bit clumsy, doesn't mean he doesn't have rights.
Instead of calling it spamming, maybe you should listen to him just incase the
same happens to you in the future

Gretchen
Cheesestains O'Neil I've walked into a store with a milkshake, How
is that any different than egg salad? Why does society feel it is necessary to
judge everyone who strays from the norm?

about
an hour ago \u00b7 Like 1

Gretchen
Cheesestains O'Neil That was a dumb question, Mr. Hengel.

about
an hour ago \u00b7 Like '41

Best Buy
Alex-

IF in fact this is partially true and you have a
complaint you want filed, feel free to send us an email from your personal
account to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. with the details and we will try and help you
out.

Alex Branson \u00b7 Aflac

do you cover insurance that covers my sides
splitting from all of your great comedy???? bug fan here

Like \u00b7 Comment \u00b7 20 hours ago

Aflac Phyllis @Alex Branson Hi, I'm Aflac Phyllis an Aflac worldwide headquarters
employee. We love our fans. We have several different insurance products. I can
have an associate contact you if you would like. I love your sense of humor and
I'm sure you meant to type BIG fan and not bug fan. It's OK we all do it\u2026

Alex Branson go to hell

about a minute ago \u00b7 Like 3

Alex Branson \u00b7 Subway

dozens of hollering teens in your hoboken
location saying 'this isn't subway, sir. this is now called 'the hang zone' all
behind counter REFUSING to put ANY vegetables on my sandwich because they are
'for nerds'????

Like \u00b7 Comment \u00b7 4 minutes ago \u00b7

Alex
Branson one teen identified only as 'MegaMatt' dipped head under soda
fountain so long we thought he could die

4
minutes ago \u00b7 Like

Alex
Branson \u00b7 Olive Garden Italian Restaurant

local
beyblades tournament get crazy and the consequences of this are mosaic shards
in multiple lasagna layers??? me and my friends unearth them like hungry
geologists??? hard to not eat shards that you KNOW are dangerous because of
irresponsibly tasty marinara sauce??

Like \u00b7
Comment \u00b7 3 minutes ago

Alex
Branson \u00b7 Buffalo Wild Wings

it is
NOT that i can not find a SITTER for the guinea pig but WHY would furtive
scanning man tell Me that HE does not respect me during what was supposedly a
happy hour????

Like \u00b7
Comment \u00b7 21 minutes ago

Alex
Branson \u00b7 Godfather's Pizza

secret
employee whisper to me that hundred of powerful man cook his enemy into
pizza...... Like \u00b7 Comment \u00b7 4 seconds ago

Alex
Branson wrote a recommendation for Fazoli's.

healing
atmosphere w authentic 17th century feel (renaissance art, rampant sickness) .
gave me tiny seats for pet rats. crystal-friendly

Fazoli's

Italian
Restaurant \u00b7 Family Style Restaurant : Lexington, Kentucky

118
were here \u00b7 51,291 likes

Unlike \u00b7 Comment \u00b7 Write a recommendation \u00b7 4
hours ago

Alex
Branson \u00b7 Red Lobster

\u2193\u2193\u2193\u2193\u2193 take a
look at these fucken idiots who are dumb enough to eat food that comes from the
ocean i love to piss in \u2193\u2193\u2193\u2193\u2193\u2193\u2193

Like \u00b7
Comment \u00b7 Saturday at 5:38pm

Alex Branson \u00b7 KFC - Kentucky Fried Chicken my dad says that you are the
'official food of Incest'. confirm/deny?????

Like \u00b7 Comment \u00b7 Saturday at 5:05pm \u00b7

Alex
Branson \u00b7 Pizza Hut

on the
phone very rude man said that calzones are just 'fucked up pizzas' and that i
must be a 'dickless freak', when i got calzone is was just a pizza with
'calzone' spelled onto it with pepperoni

Like \u00b7
Comment \u00b7 Saturday at 5:02pm \u00b7

Alex
Nichols and 3 others like this.

Nikole
Nikki Salisbury Nelson What? A pizza hut sent you a pizza like that?
really? insane.

Saturday
at 5:56pm \u00b7 Like

Pizza
Hut Alex, this is unacceptable ! We're sorry for the experience. Thank
You for your feedback. Please go to
https://nco-case-manager-ph.secure.force.com/findstore with the store location,
your contact information, your name, and any other details. We will follow up
with the store to resolve the issue.

Yesterday
at 1:10pm \u00b7 Like

Alex
Branson many days of weird cryning. I call the number on your website and am
immediately taunted by several teenagers about the size and girth of my
diaper???? i am a full grown man and it isnt funny

40
minutes ago \u00b7 Like 1

Alex
Nichols NEVER EATING PIZA HUT AGAIN

Alex Branson \u00b7 Cici's Pizza

the question is not: can i bring a dog into
cici's but it is HOW MANY dogs can i bring into cicis??? i have a aura of
control that dogs respect and they will behave (dozens???? hundreds????)

Like \u00b7 Comment \u00b7 Saturday at 5:55pm \u00b7

Alex Branson wrote

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