Mule Kicked

TAGS:

Download or edit the free picture Mule Kicked for GIMP online editor. It is an image that is valid for other graphic or photo editors in OffiDocs such as Inkscape online and OpenOffice Draw online or LibreOffice online by OffiDocs.

"Mule Kicked"

by: Wes Robert Ward

Old Lester kicked Wilbur Wiggins off the ridge into the canyon. That's what happened alright back in 1888 near Tombstone, Arizona. Not many recall the incident for many could not recollect remembering it at all. Perhaps the rotgut whiskey shipped into town that week was tainted and gave everybody the squirts. Yes, the old wild west was brown, truly brown.

Forget about that fight at the OK Corral, no this was much bigger than the Earps and their fight with the Clanton gang. It was also more important than Doc Holliday dying without his boots on. I mean, an old miner got kicked by his mule into the canyon. The wild west IQ during that time was very low and it amused the town people to no end.

Wilbur's mule by the name of Lester kicked him off the ridge into the canyon. And I gotta say as a historian of old prospectors it wasn't pretty. You see I live in a wooden shack near old Wiggins mine tourist stop. Not far from the McDonald's down the street.

Anyway this ain't about me and my pathetic life constantly plagued by a disease worse than Tuberculosis, yep that's right alimony was my death disease\u2026 but enough about me, this is about the story of an old miner that got kicked by his mule into a canyon.

Wilbur fell 3000 feet yelling and cursing that old mule out. It was said at that moment that Wilbur had died, and by all rights he should have been broken and bleeding from every bone in his broken old body.

Lester himself strolled back into town flapping his tail, spitting here and there, and everywhere, with about three hundred flies buzzing all around him as he smelled like a big pile of walking dung. If there was a fourth horseman of the apocalypse he probably took the stagecoach cause that sum-of-bitch smelled worse than hellfire.

Everybody saw Lester and everybody wondered what had happened to old Wilbur. Mule and Miner were never far from each other, never ever. Stories from long ago about one so-called Edgar Otisville even mentioned and suggested beastiality, but we won't go there. That's another story for another time that I will never ever tell\u2026 cause it's nasty.

The wild, wild west wasn't clean as you-all think it was. Shows like Bonanza, Gunsmoke, and Rawhide made it look like Happy Days on crack. In real life it was like Petticoat Junction or Green Acres with a slight touch of Chainsaw Massacre in it.

Anyhoo, back to the story I was telling about Wilbur Wiggins and his ornery mule\u2026.

Well, it was said that an old Navajo medicine man by the name of Buffallo-Odd-Ball, or Bob for short saw everything that had happened at that moment while he smoke 'em peace pipe while taking an Indian burial dump.

Injun Bob gathered all around who wanted to listen to a crazy old Indian, "Me have tragic news since Tom Wilson's barn burn down from magic lightning in sky. Mangy mule kicked old timer Wilbur off ridge into crap canyon."

Cletus Haywood, town saloon bartender cried out, "You mean Carved Canyon?"

Injun Bob replied, "You go carve there, I crap there."

"Is he dead?"

Injun Bob looked at mule and said, "He should be. There be more flies on him than buzzards, but maybe because he rolled around in black pig mud after kicking old man off ridge."

Cletus spat, "I ain't talking about the stupid mule, I'm talking about Wilbur."

Injun Bob looked at him with blood-shot eyes, "I smoke peyote. I saw future. I saw big blue outhouse being delivered outside my tepee by big thing called truck. It had thing called wheels. They dropped big blue outhouse on grass and said they're bringing in trailer park. I ask what is trailer park? They say park with trailers in it. I say will there be peyote there? And they say yes, also crack, cocaine, meth, heroin, and lots of spoons and rubber bands\u2026."

Cletus cut him off, "Look here, Injun, you need to stop smoking cactus. I met Injuns smarter than you, but you, I gotta say ain't smarter than an anvil being hammered."

Injun Bob nodded, "Cactus good friend, somehow provide baked beans on day of dead. One time find wild rabbit inside. Good eat, thank Cactus God for meal."

"Forget your dang Cactus God for a minute, dang it," Cletus asked, "So you never go see if Wilbur's alive?"

Injun Bob said, "Old Navajo saying goes as this\u2026 'never walk same path as dead man off ridge unless you want to soar like a buzzard in sky.' He fall down and go boom, I go to town to get fire water to mourn his passing. Hangover tomorrow morning will give me vision if he is canyon ghost. If so, he lost forever cause I was lost there for three suns and moons until coyote drag me out and chew on my limp leg."

Just then old Wilbur wobbles into town, bleeding from a dozen wounds, cussing and swearing up a storm, "Where the blue blazes be my bastard mule? Jeeping jumping jehoshaphat, I'm gonna kick him good and skin him alive."

Everybody ran up to old Wilbur and asked if he was okay.

Cletus said, "Wilbur you're alive? Navajo Bob here said you'd kick the bucket dead."

Bob nodded, "Yes, never see old timer flap his arms like pathetic bird. I see you get in touch with nature with every rock you hit down canyon. Today, you honor mother earth with blood trail and every rock tattooed in your skull and brain you will remember on this day."

Cletus looked at the crazy Indian, "Seriously?"

Wilbur cried out with hurt, holding his sides, "I was searching for gold, where's Lester? I'm gonna make sure he feels every inch of pain I've got\u2026."

Suddenly and without warning Wilbur gets kicked hard from behind by Lester the Mule into the water trough.

".... son of a gun!!!" Wilbur gasped as he rolled around in the water trough.

Lester flapped his tail, took a spit on Wilbur, and trodden away without one bit of remorse for his owner.

Bob replied as he took Lester by the reins away to the stable, "Me and you drink firewater tonight, and see mule on moon, and smoke 'em peace pipe. I tell you story of great mule war of 76' and you will see that Injun and mule have something in common."

Wilbur yells in severe pain, "Yeah, my boot up your hind quarters!!!"

The End. \ud83d\udc0e

Free picture Mule Kicked integrated with the OffiDocs web apps