Pandoras Box

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One cold and sober night in the midst of some forgotten realm in what I call my neighborhood apartment complex even though it\u2019s to perplexing to understand the element of the fundamental environment in which I stood upon.

I stepped outside onto my lawn of long ago sad sorrow and what was green won\u2019t be tomorrow. Bitter coldness as brittle as it comes froze the air all around turning colors of the ending Fall brown, brown as the cold dirt ground.

And yet as I stood there breathing in the cool night air without a care I suddenly did not realize my somewhat night was not alone near my home for other things disturbed the thoughts of my boggled brain and the heavy load of the black bag before me burdened me to no end\u2019s matter.

The pitter patter of something running nearby made me think of some stray alley cat and at a length\u2019s pace made me think not otherwise.

Full moon was out and about that dark cold night, yellow as molded cheese and as wide as the Earth itself. And yet as I looked upon it, it\u2019s as if I could reach out and put it on my shelf of knick-knacks and paddy-whacks. Give a Dog a bone I thought as I heard a Dog barking in the distance... full moon was out and many creatures big and small out of their fence creeped about... for you must understand and mean, it was Halloween.

Alas none of that mattered to me, not one thing at all. All that seemed to call to me at that time, beckoned me and enchanting me like a siren of the sea...wanting me like a wanton trollop for all men of the night looking for lonely men to her things of treasure.

The Dumpster. Yes, the Dumpster of Dreams that never were and never is. The big brown container that came into my existence four score and seven years ago. Though uneasy as it may come it was there for everyone through hard times and sad times through good times and bad.

The Dumpster became my friend, my secret lover at the stroke of midnight. No, there was no sexual desire of myself of putting myself in her other than the nightly bags of trash I held in my hand. In my hand holding non-magical magic of mankind\u2019s trash, no secret stash...I\u2019d give it to anyone without pay, but to my dismay no one called for my presents as if I was Old Saint Nick.

Quickly I trotted along down the path of white pavement onto the street of road and onward to my big brown friend in the gray misty fog that seemly rolled in like something from a horror film.

Overwhelming in words hard to speak as I came closer to my big brown friend, I suddenly noticed all was deathly still, serene it was not, more like a bestilled heart. Not one cricket not one insect not one living thing made not one sound.

Alarms were going off in my awakening head right then and there. Hair on the back of my neck stood up one by one. Something told me right then and there that I was not alone....and then suddenly it came...proof was there with a puff of hungry carnivorous breath coming from some deep dark dank bushes and a snort of sensing I was there.

Meat popsicle I was for the taking...a corndog in disguise in the form of a human being to the Beast before me. The Beast is all I could call it at that time and place. The Beast was as big as a Buick and as hairy as a Hebrew half dog half man. The Beast looked at me as he emerged out into the open, looked at me with wild yellow eyes. The Beast was hungry and lurking...and I was it\u2019s wild Turkey.

Without warning I made a mad screaming dash towards the Dumpster that became my only asylum in this gruesome night of terror and heard the creature come forth like a Demon in the night, roaring and soaring towards me.

\u201cAROOOOOOOOO!!!\u201d

Frighten beyond recognition I jumped into the dumpster with my black plastic burden as if I was holding a bible praying to my Lord to save me, crying please save me. Trash as it may be this garbage bag filled with stuff I never want or never need became my only bible, my sanitation salvation.

Unheard, I screamed bloody murder as I closed the flap of the Dumpster and layed back on the cold cold cold floor of the nearly empty dumpster, giving me freezing burrs.

Outside I heard the snorts and howls of the Beast hungry and with constant dripping drool. Cruel scratching here and there wanting my warm tasty body to devour within that hour...or my garbage bag half full of shit paper...sad to say I had an accident many hours ago, oh woe and behold, involving refried beans and guacamole, but holy moly alas one horror story at a time. Tis a crime to be so blunt but tell that to the Beast that started to grunt.

Screams outside, blood curdling at it may seem sent chills throughout my body and I started to shake with fear, tears spilled as I knew my demise was near. Becoming a nervous wreck was the last thing on my mind that night...and yet I thought I was safe and alone in my big brown friend to no end. Safe was I...but not alone.

The last thing I thought I hear that terrorizing night was\u2026\u201dHey, wouldn\u2019t you want to be a pepper too?\u201d

\u201cAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!\u201d I screamed like a maniac as I backed into the nearest corner and looked towards the speaker or predator I thought. What madness was this? Craziness clouded my mind as I thought things that others thought not.

Before me was something not hairy not scary not big at all. But smelly and dirty and creepy and small. Crumbs about with almost a stench of rum...I was seeing not the Beast, but a Dumpster Bum.

The Bum in the Dumpster before me lit a match and started puffing on a cigar, \u201cYar, relax friend, I was joking or poking with my charming wit. What\u2019s the hubbub, Bub? Got bored of your low-income apartment and wanted something cheaper in this crapper keeper? Gotta warn ya though, it ain\u2019t easy and cheap...every Monday morning the eviction is a bitch and I end up far from Wonderland in the Land of Trash-Heap.\u201d

\u201cAre you outta ya freakin\u2019 mind!!!\u201d I cried out, actually shouted out, \u201cI think there\u2019s a Werewolf outside and we\u2019re gonna die!!!\u201d

The Bum nodded, \u201cFreaking Jewish Landlord, huh? Freaking trying to up the rent, huh? Hey I\u2019m selling it, you want a 357 magnum revolver with a silver bullet?\u201d

I cried out with relief to the Bum, \u201cYou got one?\u201d

The Bum laughed, \u201cNo, I\u2019m a Bum in a Dumpster...if ya looking for Dirty Harry he\u2019s in the other Dumpster.\u201d

I cried with annoyance and loathing, \u201cThere\u2019s a killer Werewolf out roaming? Aren\u2019t you scared? He\u2019s twice as big as a Grizzly Bear.\u201d

\u201cNot really, mate.\u201d

\u201cWhy?\u201d I said with some confusion and hate.

The Bum\u2019s eyes gleamed blood red and he said with pointy sharp fang-like teeth, \u201cBecause Werewolves don\u2019t like eating Vampires...let alone pathological liars.\u201d

\u201cAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!\u201d came deep blood curdling screams and shrieks from deep inside the Dumpster making the Werewolf raise up on his hind legs and howl into the night.

\u201cAROOOOOOOOO!!!\u201d

------------------

Next morning, somewhat thirsty for something of a different taste\u2026. Taking off some unclean waste, I called my Jewish Landlord, not giving him any hint, \u201cYeah Mr. Roper, can ya come on over...I got ya rent.\u201d

The End. \u2620\ufe0f

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