My Lightbulb Went Off

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"My Lightbulb Went Off"

by: Wes Robert Ward

The lightbulb went off in my refrigerator and we all know what that means. It means two things. Either I ain't gonna see what I drink or eat\u2026 or my brain went dysfunctional like the demented dried up hotdog in the last package by the thawed out bacon of my brutal past.

And sadly the latter is what it is. My mind couldn't comprehend the darkness in my fridge. It was like a funeral and the rotten banana there was the corpse. I'd go take a shovel and bury it in my backyard, but I'm afraid the neighbors might report me. I ain't gonna get life imprisonment or death row for any dang banana, ya got me?

You hanging on every word I say? Cause I ain't repeating myself no matter how many beers are left in my fridge next to the six month old milk in the carton. Ever see the horror film 'The Thing'? Well, my dogs cower in fear of it. Vitamin D, my ass, there's a dead cockroach inside mutating into something weird and nasty... I call it Kurt Russell.

Now what was I saying? Oh yeah, anyway so I stand here all bewildered and stuff with the fridge door open looking into the darkness and despair of what is left of my sanity. Looking at nothing but the emptiness of nothingness. The nothingness couldn't compare to the somethingness of whatever was there to start with.

Oh, my Kingdom for a small bulb. If only I could pull Excalibur from the stone I'd shove it back in\u2026 not stone but through the top of my fridge. And though seasons go only Hamlet would know that sorrow knows no bounds.

Even the butter tray opens up and says, "A 357 magnum revolver can't fit in me, yet you gotta ask yourself one question. Will the fruit and vegetable containers down below being in the catacombs of calamity accept your insanity?"

Suddenly I never thought of that. There's a Spanish onion down below and I wonder if it's turned Vampire? I know I'll cry if it looks into my eyes. Even the old red lollipop stuck to the back of the fridge looks at me with hatred and disgust, the mold upon it makes me think it will go undead and eat my fermented brain. Will it try to kill me? Nope, cause it's stuck to the back of the fridge.

Life is like a cradle of existence within the interior of the modern day refrigerator. Extinction can even occur within the fundamental structure of the refrigerator itself and only the one who opens the door to immortality can achieve greatness by doing the one thing mortals could not do.

By removing the refrigerator holders and trays, climbing in, and closing the door upon the world forever. Only then can the lightbulb be replaced and pushing the red button for the top floor can bring you to the penthouse of the frozen tundra.

There's an Abominable Snow Bumble up there and I aim to hunt him with my twelve gauge shotgun.

The End. \ud83d\udca1

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